Find Me
by KSUnsungHero
Summary: If you adore me like I adore you find me tonight
1. Just Kidding

Olivia jumped at the shrill ringing of the phone in her ear. She groaned and squinted through half-lidded eyes at the incessant object and the annoying ringtone that came from it. She snaked her hand out and flipped it open. She held it to her ear, the phone resting on the bed as she spoke. The sobbing on the other end woke her instantly. She sat up in bed and pushed back the errant strands of hair that kept getting in the way of the receiver.

"Olivia?" The sobbing grew worse.

"Kathleen?" Olivia glanced at the clock. Two fifteen. She'd just gotten to sleep a couple hours before and her frazzled mind tried to grasp what the phone call could possibly mean.

"I woke you. I'm sorry. I thought you might be working late. I'm sorry." With that, the young Stabler hung up the phone.

"N…Jesus!" Olivia swore, panicking. She flung the covers off and turned on the overhead light. She clamped her eyes shut and blinked several times until they adjusted to the brightness of the room. She stared down at the phone numbly. Frantically, she flipped through the call log and found the right one. Three minutes ago. Had it been that long? She hit the send button and waited.

"He…Olivia?" The voice sounded confused and upset.

"Don't hang up, sweetie. Tell me what's wrong. Are you hurt?" Kathleen was sniffling and Olivia's heart went out to her.

"I…my dad is going to kill me. I went to a party and a bunch of other people were drinking and he…he was weaving all over the road. I was so scared I…I yelled at him to let me out. I don't know where I am! I'm in so much trouble!" Kathleen's sobbing had transformed into loud wails of anguish.

"Kathleen, calm down and listen to me. One thing at a time. Do you see any street signs? Any landmarks you might have seen before?" Olivia forced her feet into her tennis shoes. She didn't have time to untie them to get them on. She did a once over at her appearance. It would have to do. She grabbed Elliot's keys and tore out of the apartment.

"I…I can't tell. Um…we went over the bridge. I don't remember the street. Oh, God, graffiti. I'm going to get killed!" Kathleen lowered her voice to a whisper, obviously distraught over her well-being.

"Honey, you need to calm down. Do you remember what bridge you went over? There are a few of them." Olivia started the car and drove. She wasn't sure where to go just yet, but she didn't want to waste any time.

"The Williamsburg Bridge. My friend Jenny lives in Brooklyn but I don't know the streets. I just know the way to get there. Oh wait. Um…it says Driggs. Oh! There's a subway station here." Kathleen let out a sigh of relief at having found some clue to give to Olivia as to where she was.

"Okay, hang on . Your dad has a subway map in here somewhere." Olivia pulled over and rifled through the glove box before turning her attention to the floorboard behind her. She spotted the glossy pamphlet stuck under the seat and grabbed it.

"Oh, God, you told dad. He's going to kill me!" Kathleen turned frantic once again.

"No! Your dad and I had to work late. He and John paired up today and he told me to take the car home. He'd want to know you're okay, though. Especially if you're this upset." Olivia turned on the dome light and scanned the subway map until she spotted the subway station Kathleen was talking about.

"He'll be mad at me, though. I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have gone to the party. He'll be so disappointed." Kathleen sat on the subway steps and glanced over her shoulder.

"Alright, let's forget about your dad for now, okay? Go down into the subway station and wait for me. I'll hurry. Just wait for me by where you put your Metro Card in, okay? I'll be there before you know it." Olivia turned the light off and pulled back onto the road. Destination in mind, she sped up to a comfortable speed. She had the dash light if she needed it.

"Okay, but won't my phone cut out?" Kathleen timidly walked down the steps and stared at the little bars. One went away and she stopped immediately.

"Not until you get further down on the platform. Just go down the steps and wait for me. I know you're scared but I'm hurrying. I won't let anything happen to you." Olivia was making good time. She wasn't sure what the normal time was to get to Brooklyn at this time.

"'Kay." Kathleen wiped her face with the sleeve of her hand and leaned up against the wall. Her eyes darted from left to right, scanning the subway station.

"Let me take you out tomorrow for dinner. We'll go to a show or something afterward. What do you say?" Olivia couldn't help but treat Kathleen like one of her own kids. She loved Elliot's children with all her heart and she was so happy when Elliot asked her to move in with them. If he'd have asked her six months ago she would have told him he was out of his mind. A lot changed between the two, though, and she couldn't imagine going a day without seeing him or the kids. She was looking forward to when she'd see them next. She'd made plans to take them to the park for a picnic before it got too cold. They were excited and she'd been informed their overnight bags were already packed.

"Really? Just the two of us?" Kathleen's mind eased a little at the distraction. She'd been spending more time with Olivia and had found her to be a decent person. Over time, she'd started to see her in a different light. She respected her and trusted her. That's why she'd pulled out the business card Olivia had given her for emergencies; for a time like that.

"Just you and me. I'm on the bridge now, sweetie. I'll be there in a few minutes. Tell me what else you want to do." Olivia stopped at a stop sign and used the street lamp outside to see where she needed to turn. The small lettering on the map made it hard to for her to make out the streets. She drove around a bit and spotted the station. She'd let Kathleen rattle on about what she wanted to see and where she wanted to shop.

"…H &M but we can go somewhere else if you want." Kathleen's low voice echoed through the station and tensed when she saw someone coming.

"It's just me. I'm hanging up now, okay?" Olivia closed her phone and stuck it in her pocket. She ran down the steps and embraced Kathleen.

"Oh thank God! Thank you so much!" Kathleen hugged Olivia with all the strength she had. She was tired but the relief she felt washed over her.

"Let's get out of here." Olivia put an arm around Kathleen and led her to Elliot's car. She made sure Kathleen was in and safely buckled up before she did the same.

"I feel so stupid. What am I doing going to a party in Brooklyn? I thought it would be fun. I never go out." Kathleen locked the door and laid her head against the window.

"It's not your fault. You did the right thing by getting out of the car. Does your mom know where you are?" Olivia saw the younger girl hesitate and nod slightly.

"Kind of. My friend Jenny lives down the hall from Matt. That's where I met him. We went to a theater camp last summer and we rehearsed at her house and came over. I told my mom I was staying over at Jenny's house. We were just going to go to the party and hang out for a while. We were going to come right back but then everyone started drinking. I just wanted to leave." Kathleen had turned her attention to Olivia, trying to convey what the whole story was.

"I'm glad you got out of the car. I have the bedding in the wash but I"ll make up the couch bed for you. I think your dad has a sheet that will fit it. First, I think you need to call your dad, though, and let him know what happened." Olivia put a hand on Kathleen's and squeezed gently.

"Can't it wait 'til he gets home? He'll be so angry with me. I'll tell him, I promise." Kathleen saw Olivia hesitate a moment before sighing.

"Okay, but as soon as you wake up you're calling your mom and telling her, too. Isn't your friend Jenny worried about you?" Olivia could already hear Elliot's angry voice in her head. She thought it could wait, though. Kathleen needed a friend and a good night's rest.

"I told her I was going to call my dad's girlfriend to pick me up." Kathleen liked the sound of Olivia being her dad's girlfriend. Secretly she'd wished they'd be together. Her dad was so happy when he was with Olivia. The two were taking it slow but it thrilled the kids to no end when Olivia moved in with their dad. She'd practically been living there, anyway.

"Okay. Maybe your mom can drop you off to get your stuff on Monday." Olivia saw Kathleen nod and turn back to the window. The two rode in silence the whole way back. It wasn't until Olivia killed the engine that Kathleen spoke again.

"Thanks for not being mad. And for not telling my dad. I'm sorry if he gets angry with you." She had a feeling her dad would take it out on Olivia. She didn't want to put Olivia in that position but she was too tired to deal with an overbearing, cop dad.

"It isn't anything I haven't heard before, Kathleen. You know your father. He's a good man, though, and he loves you. I'll make sure he lets you sleep." Olivia walked with Kathleen through the door and shut it behind her.

"Thanks, Olivia." Kathleen yawned and went to the couch while Olivia retrieved her some clothes to wear and some bedding.

"Go change before you fall asleep." Olivia pointed to the couch and laid a pillow and blanket down.

"I'm so tired. I'm going to sleep forever." Kathleen patted to the bathroom, clothes in hand.

"I'm glad someone's going to sleep." Olivia mumbled under her breath, shaking her head. She heard the key in the lock and cringed.

Elliot kicked the door open and pulled the key out. He took one look at the scene before him and stood by the door.

"Hey, El. Kathleen's staying the night; whatever's left of it. She was staying at her friend Jenny's but decided to crash here instead." Olivia waited for Elliot to gather that she didn't want to talk about it when Kathleen was present, nor did she want him to badger his daughter just yet.

"Okay. Hey, sweetie." Elliot embraced his daughter and ruffled her hair.

"Dad! I just brushed my hair. I used your brush, Olivia." Kathleen spread the blanket out on the couch and laid down, indicating it was time for them to leave.

"You know I don't mind. Sleep well. We'll try and be quiet tomorrow." Olivia let Elliot kiss his daughter goodnight before ushering him out of the room.

"Alright, something's up. What's going on?" Elliot shed his work clothes and slid under the covers with only his undershirt and boxers on.

"First of all, she's fine. She just got a little scared. She went out with some friends and they were drinking and she asked to get out of the car. She called me to pick her up and I did." Olivia slipped off her shoes and slid in next to Elliot, keeping her distance. He didn't appear to be welcoming her to his side of the bed.

"Why didn't she call me? Why didn't you call me?" Elliot stared at her in disbelief.

"Because she knew you would react this way, that's why. Besides, she asked me not to tell you. Elliot, she was exhausted. I thought it could wait." Olivia pulled the covers over her lap and sighed. She could feel the heat of his angry glare.

"Well, you thought wrong, Olivia. Would you have waited to call me if she'd gotten mugged or raped or worse? Then would it have been pertinent enough to call me? I'm her father, damnit! Why'd she call you in the first place?" Elliot yanked the covers, pulling them off of her.

"Keep your voice down! She's fine. I gave her my card a while back. I told her to call me if she ever needed me to help her out of a bind. That's why she called my cell phone, Elliot. And if you're waiting for an apology, then you're going to be waiting a hell of a long time because you're not getting one. I won't apologize for honoring your daughter's wishes." She hissed at him and tugged the blanket before ultimately throwing it off.

"You're right, she's my daughter. Not yours, mine." Elliot watched her turn her back to him, not even caring that she'd put her shoes back on. When she turned back around, her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"You know, all I wanted was for your kids to like me. All I wanted was for their approval. I never though I'd have to gain yours. Tell Kathleen to call me when she gets up tomorrow. The sheets are in the wash for the…for your kids' beds. Tell them I said hi." She shook her head and walked from the room. Quietly, she snuck out, careful not to wake Kathleen. It wasn't until she was outside in the cool, chilly air that it hit her. She was in a spaghetti top and pajamas and no place to go. She didn't even have her cell phone. She wasn't about to go back, though. She started off down the street in a daze. She wiped a tear from her eye as she looked over her shoulder. The light to his bedroom was off and the curtains were drawn. His voice rang out in her head, reminding her of that night. The first date night they'd had and he'd called her on her cell and told her to look up. He'd waved and told her that he couldn't let her go off without making sure she left in one piece. He called her again that night and made sure she got home safely. He'd said then that he'd always worried about her and that she'd better get used to him checking up. She shivered and stared down at her empty hands, turning red from the cool air on her unprotected skin. It didn't matter if she had her phone or not. He wouldn't call her. Guess he was just kidding.


	2. chosen

A/N: Sorry about the delay in posting. I've still got other stories in the mix, I just had this idea in my head. I think this is the last part of this one, though.

The precinct was eerily quiet as Olivia walked through the bullpen. She took in her surroundings and saw one desk with its contents spread haphazardly over the surface. Folders were pushed to the edge and were mere millimeters from falling onto the floor. As she headed for the bathroom, Olivia looked for the desk's owner. She took one look at her reflection and grimaced. Her cheeks were flushed from having walked over thirty city blocks in more than an hour. The air had been cool yet she'd worked up a sweat. The exertion of her trek along with the tension from her argument with Elliot showed in her bloodshot eyes. She looked like hell. She reached for some paper towels and wiped the perspiration off of her face before briskly working it through the damp strands of hair that were matted to her face. She tossed the paper in the trash and placed her palms flat on the cool surface of the sink. Staring back at her reflection, she never felt so alone. She heard a faint tapping on the door and reluctantly stepped out.

"Should I bother asking?" John stood next to his female colleague and eyed her over the top of his glasses.

"I think you know the answer to that already, John. I'm going to crash here tonight. I'll be out of your guys' hair by noon." Olivia felt the heat rise to her face upon feeling the scrutinizing gaze of the older detective. She could feel his concern radiating from him.

"'Cause you're such a pain in the ass. Get some sleep. I'll put a note on the door. Happy napping." John saw her smile briefly but he wasn't convinced. Her eyes always gave her away.

"You're too good to me. Thanks, John. Don't stay too late, okay?" She had a feeling John had finished up for Elliot so that he could get home.

"Uh huh. Nite, Liv." He nodded his head and grinned back. They both knew what his non-committed response meant.

"Goodnight, John. See you on Monday." Olivia waved over her shoulder and walked slowly to the locker room to change. She needed a shower but she couldn't muster the energy to do so.

John watched his friend leave looking like she'd lost her best friend. He wondered if that wasn't exactly what had happened. He resisted the urge to call and ream Elliot out. If the man hadn't learned by now, he never would. John had seen Olivia put up with him long enough to know when things weren't right. Olivia's attire and what looked to be the lack of her cell phone only meant one thing to him; wherever she intended to go, she didn't think Elliot would care. He eyed the phone on his desk several times before turning to the mound of papers that beckoned him. He'd never understand those two. He just hoped whatever spat they'd had was something that could be overcome because he never wanted to see her looking that way again.

Ooo

Elliot stared up at the ceiling. His hands were clasped tightly behind his head as he laid there in bed. He noted slight footfalls on the hardwood floor as they neared the door. He got up and turned the knob.

"Hi, daddy." Kathleen didn't have to look beyond her father to see that Olivia wasn't there. She'd heard her leave and grew concerned when she never returned.

"You should be sleeping." Elliot moved from the doorway and turned on the bedside lamp before patting the spot beside him.

"So should you. Want to talk?" Kathleen sat down on the bed and adjusted the pillows so she could lean against the headboard.

"Not now, sweetie. I think I'm all talked out." Elliot saw his daughter's expression and couldn't have been prouder. She'd grown up so much in the past few years. She reminded him so much of Olivia. The care and warmth she showed everyone, giving each and every person their time to share their story never ceased to amaze him.

"Well, I think I should say something then. What happened, it wasn't Olivia's fault. I asked her not to tell you yet. She told me I should talk to you about it but that she'd wait to tell you. I knew you'd be unhappy with her for doing it but I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed. I didn't mean drag her into this mess." Kathleen solemnly sat on the bed feeling utterly defeated. She'd caused Olivia so much pain and one of the things that worried her most was that Olivia hadn't returned. The other was that her father didn't seem to care.

"I know. I was worried, Kathleen. You're my daughter and I'm a cop. I'm supposed to protect my kids. I'm supposed to watch you guys. I kept thinking of the things that could have happened to you. It scared me. You know how I get." Elliot sighed and leaned his head back against the wall.

"What about Olivia? I mean, she's our family now, isn't she? I know she's a cop, too, but she could use someone, too, dad. I don't know what I'd do if I was that old and alone all the time. She has us now, but she must have been so lonely." Kathleen shuddered at the thought of Olivia and where she might be.

"She had a rough life, sweetie. You know, when we were first paired up she tried so hard to fit in. She acted tough but I could tell that deep down it was like the school yard and she just wanted to be picked for someone's team. She was a good cop then and she's a good cop now and that's because she's a good person. She really cares about you kids and sometimes I forget she's never had a real family. I'm not mad that she called you, not really. I'm glad actually. I'm glad you trust her. I screwed up. I said something I shouldn't have. I don't know what to do. I should be out looking for her but I don't know what to say. I really hurt her. She may not even want to talk to me." Elliot glanced over at his daughter and saw the compassion in her eyes, the understanding of what he was saying.

"I was afraid to call you tonight because I didn't want you to be angry with me. I know you love me and you would have been glad that I was okay. I still should have told you, but I knew that I could call Olivia and she would come and get me. So I think that even if you think Olivia will be angry with you, you should still talk to her. She loves you, dad, and she doesn't have anyone but us. I mean, who's she going to call?" Kathleen saw the impact of her words register on her father's face.

Elliot groaned at the realization, at what he'd done. His daughter's amazing insight stunned him. He thanked her and kissed her on the forehead before gently pushing her out the door. Her laughing could be heard as she walked back to the living room. He dialed the familiar number and let it ring. When he heard the tone that was distinctly Olivia's, he swallowed down a feeling of dread.

"Guess she doesn't have this with her." Kathleen held up the ringing phone and set it on the dresser before walking out again.

"Damn." Elliot racked his brain, trying to figure out where she'd be. He woke up Casey and had to listen to her cursing for several moments before taking an oath to call her as soon as he found out where Olivia was. He then called the one other place Olivia called home.

"It's about time. She's asleep in the crib. When should I expect you to come grovel?" John held the phone to his ear and signed the forms in front of him, finally putting the paperwork to an end.

"Fifteen or so. Thanks for keeping an eye on her for me, John. How is she?" Elliot pulled his jeans up and did the fly before grabbing a sweatshirt. He held the phone awkwardly between his ear and shoulder as he tied his shoes.

"Tired, I presume. Wouldn't you be after walking all that way? She's going to be sore tomorrow and she'll be lucky if she doesn't get sick. It's got to be fifty degrees out there." John wasn't done reprimanding his colleague just yet.

"I was afraid of that. I'll be there after a while. Don't let her leave again, if she wakes up." Elliot crept into the living room and closed his phone.

"Did you find her?" Kathleen leaned on her elbow and looked up at him.

"She's asleep at work. Do me a favor and call Casey. Her number is on the rolodex. Then you have my permission to sleep." Elliot waved to his daughter, keys in hand. He grabbed Olivia's jacket and as he pulled the door shut, he saw her getting up to retrieve the phone.

The ride to the precinct was quiet, yet admissions of guilt plagued his mind. The argument echoed in his mind, not quite letting him forget that he'd made an ass of himself. He stepped out onto the sidewalk and stretched before entering the bullpen. He gave a half-wave to John and made his way to the crib. He laughed at the note on the door. He quietly opened it up and slipped in. He toed his shoes off and sat down on the bed gently. As he let his weight settle on the mattress, he felt her stir.

"Elliot? What are you doing here?" Olivia rubbed her gritty eyes. They stung and she blinked, trying to get the sensation to ease.

"John gave up your location. I found your phone and I didn't know where you were so I called the precinct. I know that you love the kids and I had no right to say what I said. It's not much, but I'm sorry." Elliot tentatively ran his fingers down her forearm and noted the goose bumps beneath his fingers.

"To tell you the truth, that hurt more than anything. To have you say a thing like that, that I had no right to do what I did because they weren't my kids…that hurt, Elliot. Is that how you really feel? If it is, then we need to make some decisions before this goes any further, because I don't know if I have it in me. I can't just turn off the switch and remove myself from everything I've worked so hard to be a part of." Olivia shook her head and made sweeping motions as she spoke, all signs that she was worked up.

"I had a talk with Kathleen after you left. She helped me realize some things. I love you and I love that my kids adore you. I want you in their lives. I was scared and instead of being relieved that she was okay, I took it out on you. I was so damn scared that she could have ended up in some alley somewhere…and then you left without your phone. I swear, you girls are trying to give me a heart attack. Jesus, Liv, don't ever do that again. If you don't want to be reached, then I accept that but take your phone in case you have to call someone. I don't want anything to happen to you." Elliot lay down by Olivia and wrapped his arms around her. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"I didn't intend to leave it there and I was just too damn tired from that conversation to go back up. I should have been more careful. I just…I didn't think you'd care and I couldn't handle that." Olivia's voice shook as she spoke.

"Oh, God, please don't think that. Don't ever think that. I just didn't know what to tell you. I didn't know if you'd even want to hear what I had to say once I thought of something. I'm sorry I put you through that. It took my daughter opening my eyes to realize what I did to you. Come home with me, please." Elliot kissed her cheek and realized she'd started crying.

"I just…don't shut me out, Elliot. I need you guys. I can't lose you." Olivia sobbed into his chest as the words hit home again.

"Shh…it's okay. I'm not shutting you out. I was an ass. I'm sorry, Liv." Elliot held onto her as he sat up and rocked her. He whispered into her ear, reassuringly.

"I want to go home but I'm so exhausted." Olivia breathed in the scent that was only Elliot.

"Come on. Jump on." Elliot let go of her and bent down on the floor.

"What? No, I'll hurt you." Olivia wiped her eyes and sniffled.

"Oh, please! You will not. Just get on or you're walking." Elliot saw her hesitate before climbing onto his back.

"Elliot?" Olivia leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck loosely.

"Yeah, Liv?" Elliot strained to hear her as he started to walk out the door.

"Thank you for coming. When I looked up and didn't see you at the window, I felt like I lost you for good." Olivia whispered into his ear, her voice strained.

"It was the other way around. I thought I had lost you and I didn't think I had any right to ask you to come back. I thought I had screwed up the one thing I did right in my life. I have four beautiful kids that adore you and I almost lost that. I almost took you away from my kids." Elliot shifted her weight and walked down the stairs.

"I'm going to fall asleep." She heard Elliot chuckle as he walked out the precinct.

"I would think so after the little jaunt you took across Manhattan. You're going to regret that in the morning." Elliot opened the door and let her hop off before shutting the door behind her. He got in and started the engine.

"Don't remind me." Olivia went to lean her head against the window when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Here." Elliot patted his thigh and helped her settle her head onto his lap. He reached in the backseat and grabbed her jacket. He placed it over her and watched her breathing even out. Within seconds, she was asleep. He pulled out into traffic and steered with his left hand while his right found its way to hers. Their hands became laced as he drove. Every now and then he stole a glance at her slumbering form, wondering how he could ever make her think that he wouldn't come after her.


End file.
